Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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