There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
