Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
