I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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