Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
