??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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