Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
