I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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