Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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