Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
two words: eviction party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
