She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
