Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
