champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
