who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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