All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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