she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
