I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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