Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
