whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
