If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
