So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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