I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
