Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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