it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
