Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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