I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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