Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
