im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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