why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
