How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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