i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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