I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
