3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Welp...herpes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
