I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
