I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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