brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize