That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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