I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
