i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
