peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
