we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize