I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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