I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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