Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
