I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
