Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
