she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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