I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
