I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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