i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
