if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize