Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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