i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize