porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize