I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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