Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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