Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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