You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize