you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
