6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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