God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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