I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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