Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
