i think my tv is drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
