idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
