toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
