I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
