I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
