I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
