I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
