i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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