Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
