By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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