He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
