ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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