dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
