Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
