Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
