well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you traded sex for a burrito?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
