I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
