I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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