i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
