You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
