I just saw a hot homeless man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
