hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
