i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
