What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize