Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
