Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
