You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
