I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
