I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
