He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
