did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
