You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
