This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
