i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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