I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize