Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
