So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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