you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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