dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
