I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
