Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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