Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
