SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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