i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
