My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
