It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize