omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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