Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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