I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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