go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
