break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
