Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
