Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
