how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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