just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
