To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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