But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
