I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize