How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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